Yummy

Two reasons to feel yummy today. One: she called. Two: I met new "she's" today.

It's just my luck. A dream. A fantasy.

visits and homemaking

Visits to family are always nice. So warm outside that any indoor area is a pleasant break. Just a break, not an evasion. Talking of nothing is trying but a nice change.

Homemaking dreams popped into my mind at the furniture store. Old style wood pieces, tables, chairs, display cabinets, storage cabinets, and bar stools. Lots of candles around, too. I started to think about what part of me likes such old things and styles, and how I would every form an opinion to make a choice.

Sweet Warm Sunday

Sure the ice cream version would be nice but right now I am thinking of the weather. It is very nice, if a little warm following the past few days. What to do? Why, anything at all. It is open, just as every day has always been. I choose my own limits. I place restrictions on myself. I develop my own schedule. Really, I decide what is fun, or necessary, or good for me, or just good for me to do.

Today will be no different. Maybe I will get around to doing something good for myself by fulfilling (or at least beginning) one of my goals for the summer. To follow though on something of my own choosing would make this a very sweet day.

mysteries

I keep looking past myself to understand her. Very little makes sense about the whole situation. We'll talk. We'll hug goood-bye (right from date #1 !! Her lead!) but our meetings are infrequent. It is great being pulled into the depths of another's mind and soul. I really like the time spent togeether. I just don't understand why the cancellations; why the business; why the confusion about her own life. I can just hope that my worst fears--her trying to change herself (even in part) for me--are true. Because that would explain it all away. Without the explanation I am forced to remember my restrained remark a couple years ago: failing to answer her question about I like her. At the time it was inappropriate to answer. Now, some email and phone and dates (some broken) later, it may remain inappropriate.

Well, I'll let her try to phone me from the train. Technically it may work for a few minutes. Those will be nice, special minutes to me.

mass mailing past due

I think a mass mailing is way past due. Just skimming through my addressbook I see dozens of names from my techie life past and feel the urge to reconnect. Sure, three or four years out of touch is something fierce, but it must be better to take the initiative than hear back about being missed at an official alumni reunion.

Hooray creativity.
Now let's see if self-motivation can catch up?

my first modern opera experience

The Midnight Court Opera was very well done. I know that I did not pick up on all the symbolism put into the production. Vocal technique from the stage left me in awe at many times. I think modern voice work will take me a while to appreciate. Solos in that style impact me much more. An entire work was a bit much. I enjoyed this translation of Brian Merriman's poem very much.

Debriefing: walking away from the water for an hour

Next time: A classical, professional show.

Why: Prove my pet theory that my friends really are better than those currently earning a living performing.

Small Talk

I need depth. Simple as superficial talk may be to continue, it provides little satisfaction. But, we spoke. That is all the small talk stands for.

Thinking of you I
Feel a gap, now completed
But ever hungry

Hear a thunderstorm
Memory of your embrace
Floods into my heart.

I am the shy one
For you shared your thought with me
Piercing your shell. Fear

I am the shy one
For you shared your thought with me
Piercing your shell. Love

I am the shy one
For you shared your thought with me
Piercing my self embrace.

Dreams show you to me
Life lets us ebb like the sea--
So, sunset begone.

missing

Something is missing and I can't quite put my finger on it. Motivation? No, that is slowly growing. So my summer plan is on track. Human interaction? Perhaps, as I certainly am not seeing all the friends I wanted to so far this. I will try for more personal interaction. I will try to just get out there, into the city, and see and do different things, people, places, activities.

Cramped Style Of My Own

I enjoy my commute home nearly as much as the work day. A leisurely twently minute walk on each end of the subway is wonderful on warm summer days. First to walk down the seven flights of stairs and out the front door. Second to realize how sensitive my eyes are becoming. On go the sunglasses with their cute magnetic clips. Third, crossing the parking lot, up along the street, over the bridge, and down the slight hill to the station entrance.

Now it is time for my escape. Out comes this summer's public transit novel: Angels and Demons. Remembering the intro chapters for a couple years was enough reason to purchase a copy. I love fantasy, but you already knew that.

I tend to nearly miss my stop. This is tough to understand because I go the length of the line, end station to end station. Now that my mind is warm and my body, too, I walk up the hill and across the bridge to my home. Along this stretch I try singing more than humming. Of the handful of songs I know, the emotion I feel for 'cessa crudel senza di te' is tremendous. Well, it is tremendous when I drop my own personal mask and search deep for an answer.

Today I followed through with some upper body resistance conditioning and yoga stretching. I feel good and might have just continued if not for the hunger and 30C temp.

Now at the end of the day is the only time I really dislike the moist warmth of the city: sitting, typing, and sweating drops I can feel roll down my skin. Hopefully when I retire my body will enter a different phase and permit me the rest I am due tonight.

Productivity!

Proper practice makes perfect. But I am not sure what I am doing now. Lots of things should be doing: work at work, learning at work, migrating filters, learning some TeX, learning some editor, sleep Mmmmm sleep.

Books

Last book re-read: Where's Waldo (in part, got distracted after a couple pages)

Heat

Hot
Hotter
Hotest

My body fails to adjust to summer this year.
Nothing quite like sitting still, with ventilation, and yet, perspiring.

Lots to do, but I should sleep. Maybe a little drawing first. Just a little. One page of sketches. Perhaps I will develop a theme.

Dog days of summer

Lots of dogs by the distillery today. Some were performing, most were taking their owners shopping. I enjoyed the show as entertainment, but something didn't seem right. It was the same feeling of captivity I noticed on my last trip to a zoo.

I learned
1. Distillery district holds historical tours.
2. Segway is holding a test-ride there next weekend.

Am I alone?

Somehow I feel alone. I am surrounded, most of the time, by family and friends this summer. Rarely have I spent so much time near people, casually interacting, and--yet--not feel connected to them. Bizarre though it may be, it is real. And I plan to take some time to figure out why I am experiencing this strange sensation. It is almost like homesickness. But I am home, so I know it cannot be. Unless my apartment of two years became my home. I doubt that.

Hooray for warm weather. Now waiting for my body to adapt. . .

Some adventure this is.

Life is an adventure. Mine becomes less fun over time. Failed this. Stuck with that. Can't remember people's names. Heard a great point today: respond, don't react. Right now, my response is "that can wait for me" because I am not ready to respond.

I can confirm my love of fresh, outdoor air. Too bad the highway made it difficult to speak at a comfortable volume. Speaking of roads, I learned 'rush hour' does exist, and that it has quite a vengeance. Twenty-minutes in the morning, an hour in the afternoon. I knew it was a matter of arriving, in spite of the flustered state I reached.

All is well that ends well?