wasting away

Relationships are kind of funny. I enjoy them. Others seem to as well. But when they go sour or need me to input more effort, then I get confused.

I began confused. It's not a new feeling. But not even returning phone calls? I thought she had that much free time.

And the other seeming to reclaim her own life, which--in effect--cuts me out of regular contact.

Thankfully a third showed interest in deep conversation today.

On a side note, I seem to know an aweful lot of engaged people. Best news of all: the "third" told me today to take note when the group discussion moved onto the topic of proposals & rings.

A good sign(tm).

wonderful sky

Can I feel too connected with the world? Perfectly at peace with everything other than myself?

Time to bake some cookies.

watermelonseeds

We went to market.
I don't see how it works.
Nothing progresses.
I stand. Still.

watermelonseeds

We went to market.
I don't see how it works.
Nothing progresses.
I stand. Still.

Reality

I'm not so sure the usual course is reality. Something seems to be missing which shows up in other realms.

Incidentally, can you solve setgame in under a minute? I'm using Set as a test of my level of consciousness. Under a minute or two and I am doing alright.

games people play

How to interact. I can try some funny stuff that probably works. Or I can keep my clean streak.

Whatever. It doesn't matter. I ought to experiment a little.

I'm too tired for other types of games. My neighbours are playing one just this very moment.

some days I fade out

Once upon a time I had a slight idea of what I was supposed to do. That was nice because I like to have reachable goals which interest me. Now, I am far away from that situation. I am taking part in activities because they are good for me. I am trying to enjoy them. And my studies. I think I do enjoy them, but, they are quite foreign compared to how I used to be. It will be interesting to see whether I really have changed. Maybe I did not change. Maybe I am still the same person who has grown accustomed to all of these strange and new and different experiences. Whatever these experiences are, they are pretty new to me. My secondary desire is to like them in the long run. Just now, in the short term, I think I already enjoy some of them.

Wow, there may be hope for me to adapt without changing or losing what I started with. On that subject, I do feel as though I am missing a lot of that with which I began. Or maybe I have just transitioned.

I used to be able to solve fact-based problems without conscious thought, and without time. Now I can stride through social problems without changing pace. But, facts now become lost in my head and the overriding ideas cloud over the tangible issues.

Where do you stand?

who am I : QUESTIONS

1. what do I mean to you
   
2. what do you feel
   
3. how do you know it is right
   
4. where do I search for these feelings
   
5. what do you want
   
6. what do I want
   
7. what do we have
   
8. what do you mean to me
   
9. what do we mean to me
   
10. do I like the idea
    
11. do I like you more than the idea
    
12. do I like you
    
13. why won't you rest and stop tearing up my mind