I began to wake up today

It could have been the exercise.
It could have been the water.
It could have been the sunlight beneath the partially closed blind.
It could have been last night's phone call.
It could have been imagining the second and third phone calls I never completed.
It could have been my dreams.
It could have been any one of so many different things. But I think it is because of the first reason listed above, in concert with looking forward to my own future. Plans three months out do have an effect on me. Now it is time to make plans one week out--for a boost--or more.

bed time

Bed time directive: maximum 30 minutes more computer time.

Quick check on my summer goals. Range (0,1).

self-motivation (?)
fitness (1/2)
fitness instruction (1/2)
visual arts (0)
music--voice/piano/theory (1/4)

Shoot. Too tired to remember my full list. Perhaps I never knew it.

I want more ^ 2

Today I want more hugs. I shall learn to return physical affection. I shall initiate it, too.

softly, sweetly, gently

This is one of two lifestyles which do not excite me. The other is the really hard one. I like the middle ground. Some redundant effort, mixed with a lot of productivity, with some leisure on the side.

My mother asked me a wonderful series of questions today about my summer job. Do I like it? Do I find it interesting? My answers were no, then yes. I enjoy solving problems but like to feel and see my own progress. Hopefully I have completed the learning curve for the industry and can now focus on the details.

Rising Action 1 : Me 0

Poor recording. As soon as I find an easy way to break it into tracks I'll burn a copy and call it a day. In the meantime, I would like to locate my copy of ViaVoice. Turns out I needed no external microphone; There is an internal microphone. Hooray!

Playdate with my bros' girl? Ummm, sure. Overfriendly may just be my label of the day for folks I know. Another day at work approaches. Another week. Another month * 2.5. And then who knows.

Directions required. It may be time (this summer) to redo the careercruise question bank.

clarity

My writing remains confused and clouded. I have my own way with words. Sometimes I can convey exactly what I mean. On those occasions, I find myself avoiding the ambiguity of the English language and laying out the precise steps that I used to reach my conclusion. All the other times I jump steps, fail to explain my steps, or permit ambiguity by allowing the structure of my writing to conflict with its semantics.

Am I understood?

Motivation. My motivation is good right now. I am walking to and from the subway lines on my way home (2 x 20 min). I am also succeeding in feeling the physical need to use my muscles. Stretching is coming along but is not nearly as deeply entrenched in my daily routine as I had hoped. For six days of work (two weeks at home) I am doing quite well.

Can you engage me to accomplish more?

I want more

More:

time, connection, privacy, intimacy, understanding, plans and planning, clarity of thought, openness, to be more open, depth, physical proximity, memory skills, hugs, self-control, confidence, to be more controlled, to not want to control, something resembling a full-time relationship, knowlege about my situation, choices, love, variety of conversation, certainty in the relationship. . .

One month and counting.

lazy sunday

During this past day (week?) I did next to nothing and physically run myself down. Today that will change. I felt a bounce in my step this morning. No spring-loaded shoes or pogo sticks; I felt light and energetic. I'm sure some extra energy expenditure will improve my sleep and general mood. (Probably about the same effect as tonight's date. Yeah, I guess I can use that word when I'm comfortable with the endeavour. Looks like I'm due for a double-whammy.)

concentration

Do you forget bio-breaks when working?

What is the correct amount of effort for a job when some tasks draw curiousity and others sleep?

Practice, practice, practice. Proper practice makes perfect.
Oooooooh, do I need so much!

isolation

Good news: My motivation returned!
Commuting home is 1/2 hr subway, followed by 1/3 hr bus waiting or walking from the station. Today I walked from the station. Then I walked while following the steady beats that pulsed next to my ears. Almost a -Side A- later I tried moving myself and some other weight around.

Phrase I never expected myself to believe: I guess I'll stretch out tomorrow.

Why am I falling asleep at 2.30pm these past two days? I must require more sleep than I have been giving myself.

motivationless

Sit for a day. Then sit for an afternoon. Next sit for the evening. Wrong type of job for me. 50 minutes too far away. Friendly colleagues.

Sit for a day,
Then try to play.
Hard to self-start
When so so tired.

Another day awaits
Us to jump to it
Just one the easy way
Stands. Quick, do it.

cue jaws theme

Work shall begin. Retiring early to prepare my mind and body. I plan to make my phone calls and send my emails tomorrow.

Link of the day:
TVO: STUDIO 2's ONTARIO SONG CONTEST
Ontario residents. Closes 5:00 p.m. on May 20, 2005.

Hmmm... maybe a LOTD could work. But this is about my thoughts, so we'll see.

survival patterns

I'm surviving home in my usual way. Doing my own thing. Enjoying the conversation, and looking (albeit subconsciously) for responsibilities.

Got to watch a late movie tonight. Josie and the Pussycats exemplifies 4/4 pop rock tunes. My background music now that the TV is off -- Krisztina Szabo -- comes from a show recommendation. I think she is a large part of the recommendation, but don't know and won't ask. Instead, I'll see about getting myself downtown next month to see a show.

Let's see if I can get some sleep tonight. Sure being home is exciting, and there's so much to do and see, but I really must rest up. Two more days until I have where to be during the day.

limbo

Free time concerns me. I enjoy being productively busy. So this week has been spent getting ready for a future at the gym, and hunting hunting down some music software.

I found myself going through my life things list below in order, and computer things in reverse order. Which leaves correctly linking junkbuster into proximitron, or (more likely) moving my blockfiles (and hosts file?) into proximitron to use its more powerful wildcard matching capability; and getting ready to move home for a few weeks. I'll pack in the morning.

Voice lessons over and out for the summer. Software will ensure I can practice my weaker skills.

rockin' round the clock

Preparing for my last early morning I realize that I barely touched the extra study books borrowed from the library. Perhaps I can skim their introductions in the morning. I want more than two contract themes: scumbag loses; and no-double-dipping. I don't feel these two themes will get me far on my exam.

Bent wheel! My own fault for keeping my bicycle with me instead of giving the shop free reign to repair the loose stem and loose spokes. Now the spokes are sufficiently tight (low-pitch ping when flicked with finger) but the wheel is bent. Not much, mind you, as it doesn't rub the brake.

Do I dare check whether MTRL has old IDEA journals? Time will tell, because I will have the time to play tomorrow afternoon. Oh, and practice. Which reminds me to go looking for a headset mic in one of the old software boxes at home. If the demo is fun enough I might purchase software. . . Nothing on sourceforge looks quite like Nair's work. And I'm unsure that I want to spend all summer writing code instead of practicing. Plus, he's got one version out as freeware nowadays.

Early to bed
Early to rise
Makes a man healthy
wealthy
and wise.

my list for the week

Life things pancakes contract exam study ultimate / tmc quality sleep contract exam write prepare for summer

Computer things migrate filters from junkbuster to proximitron. (Why no work for Opera?) software off old computer files off old computer burn old files learn about trackers and their ABCs

Love me love me say that you love me

Apologies for not 'daring to be different'.

Lots of wonderful new ideas have been going through my mind lately. After reading how you blog your thoughts, I thought that taking time to blog might help me sort through my new ideas.

No time to mess around with blogger specific stuff, except to get the clean interface of toggle-hidden comments.

Here's the post I deleted. I don't feel right about leaving a total blank in your turf. Turns out that I confused myself into thinking this solution works. I'll place it here for us curious types because there may be something to it...

<post>
Blogger automatically sets the target=_top for links within posts unless you override it (as you have been doing). You can take advantage of this default setting.

Use CSS Selectors.
http://www.w3.org/TR/CSS21/selector.html

Inside the ..style type="text/css".. tags insert:

a[target="_top"] { target:"_blank" }

This looks for 'a' tags whose target attribute is set to _top and changes it to _blank.

Mail questions to this anti-spam address (hs2xtgc02@sneakemail.com) and I'll reply from my real address.
</post>

not a take-home exam

I have this exam to write. It is not a take-home, but the problem is provided in advance for me to answer it in advance. The exam time consists of writing my solution in long-hand from a set of notes (not a complete solution). Those notes are all I may use during the exam time--no lecture notes.

Thus far (rough work done for the big question/half the marks) it is an exercise in discipline. Hiding in the library basement ought to keep "Sunny. High 17." out of my mind so long as I try to focus on the exam.

popups

Use CSS selectors to write text into the page:

a[target=_top]:after {acontent: "<a href='' onclick='window.open('this.href')>(pop)</a>" ; color:yellow ; target:"_blank" }

---

Extra typing gives the right effect of popping open a link:

<a href="#" onclick="window.open(http://www.blogger.com)" >onclick</a>

---

What should work:

a[target=_top] { target="_blank" }

---

Option "other":

Suggest friends learn opera browser's mousegestures so that one right click while moving the mouse opens the page in a new [tab|window]. Available in avant browser, too.

fears

I need the stability of routine.
Little changes help me through.
Often before have I seen this time,
And likewise not known what to do.

All day long I keep busy.
In a flash I start to ponder.
This time no talking to Stacey,
I am alone to feel the thunder.

Untidy though my thoughts may be.
Never settling on matters they should.
I press forward in time to see,
Not what I could but did.

Why.
I begin to see not an answer.
Why not.
What is my purpose here?

Where should I be doing this?
How can I choose this?
What may I choose?
Can an opportunity, I lose?