naps are evil

They make me stay up way too late. Especially when combined with a full night's sleep of over ten hours. I'll try rolling over now. 3.35am.

productivity

and trust. I demonstrated the first and earned the second. While progress continues to be slow, it is very steady and I am learning much.

To do:
1. walk up a sweat
2. sing
3. ... with piano
4. draw
5. read
6. write/study
7. eat, sleep, email

dazed awake

How did I wake up early? Even after going to sleep later.

Total fog. I can will myself to move. I can not control myself. I am walking but am not balanced. I am thinking but it is not consciousness.

Plus, why is my room the warmest in the house?

dinner out

It has been so long since eating in a commercial establishment. That was the happening place with young guys and girls at every table. I wonder why my caeser salad was less salty than my vegetable soup. Mysteries of the unknown.

Quite nice to hear more about my future from those who know a couple of us.

Now I wonder how to correctly break the news tomorrow that I am expecting a phone call from another, who will be visiting town, and ensure that the right message gets through in all cases.

A waitress reminded me of a friend.
I should call her. But not at this time of day.

revenge of the cubicle

It's getting to me again. I really need to take a few breaks during the day. Nothing stops me but myself. Why, oh why?

beaches jazz

Continued today at the grandstand. Sitting. Listening.

hear or feel the music

Swinging we go through the street. All people no cages allowed, but I suppose one of the pet owners had the other type close at hand. Group by group we wander. Finding a band, or two that kept our attention. Mind you, we stayed elsewhere for longer than the others. Someone must have liked the electric instruments.

A late night, but I got out of the house to do something. Dare I take a textbook along (if I go again) on Sunday?

misunderstandings

RULE 1: If you can confirm something, then DO IT.
COR 1: Don't trust the textbook for anything more than the idea.

RULE 2: Avoid talking yourself into believing the false.
COR 2: Beware paradoxes.

RULE 3: FIX your mistakes.
COR 3: Be efficient in time and function.

Learning, and then some

Why do I understand myself the least?

Outside things, other people, and science seem to make more sense than I do. I suspect my behaviour is to blame.

i woke up today

It took just 7h of sleep for me to wake up. Independently. I like that. I believe that I must continue both early bed times and daily exercise to maintain (and even improve) this feeling.

There is something about sunrise and sunset. Perhaps the angle of the light as it cuts through the haze above the city. That is nice light. I remember reading about it.

girl is back in town

But for a fleeting
Moment of joy do I
Find myself more alone
Around people, than not.

A glance my way, quick
Yet nothing was there.
Approach from the front
Leads to becoming a pair.

Confirmation afar
And then near once more
As one I don't see
There's being trouble anymore.

Once apart. Twice alone.
Wait, do I feel it
Jealousy can be real
It feels dirty now.

Distance between stars
Shiny glitter atop
Her fair hair, accent
To eyes of bright light.

the human body

Shame on me for knowing what I am doing to myself. No activity. But it goes past that: I understand the musculoskeletal system and its need for motion. Yet, I restrit my motion. Voluntarily. Or so it would seem.

1. Eat crunchy vegetables, raw. (eat)
2. Sweat heavily each day. (exercise)
3. Retire early enough to wake naturaly. (sleep)

More tips in the future.

And bingo was his name-o

B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
And bingo was his name-o

Day job? Singing? Day job? Singing!
Perhaps some bodybuilding and piano on the side.
A dash of ultimate.
Something academic. Most likely scientific.

death by research

The topic is dead. Long live the topic.

One day it had to happen,
My whole world tumbling down,
Not knowing where I stand,
Just hoping my feet are on the ground.

Too little, too late;
I began from afar
To see my needs drift
Down the driveway and past the car.

Wherever I look
Whatever I do
See you see me
Am always blue.

struggling to stand still

I am changing. I do not know how or why or what shall remain. Everything exists in the moment. Me, too. But for some reason I am left out of this moment.

So, my schedule is fixed for next year. If I want to change, then I am going from what I beleive to be the lecture sections in greater demand to those in less demand. Easy to switch.

I am two thirds of the way through my notes for studying this summer. Perhaps I shall have time to read them a third time, only that wouldn't be terribly productive. But I have the textbook. And I have people willing/paid to help me practice. It is up to me to use the school's services.

I am hungry. Bye for now.

activity

I lasted for one hour of walking to the beat. A gorgeous 150+ bpm with some candy on top. The candy was alright, I suppose, so now I am thinking about the celtic music I heard at the tradeshow last year.

I feel better. So many people for the group run at 7pm. I think I passed the early group 'round 6:30pm on my way to the store. 35 minutes each way. Light blistering, amazingly on the bottom of one little toe. Tomorrow night I'll just have to aim right above the tin more often than usual. I hope that compensates enough for my lack of running.

reality

Picture this:

You are walking along the street. There is a sidewalk. Cars make their presence known through vibrations and emissions. You are not alone; there are other pedestrians. Everything is calm. Normal. Until now. Paying attention to the world, you reach a new depth of calm. Suddenly it's not just green trees against a blue sky. Right now, this very instant, it is postcard perfect. The sight feels frozen in time. It is still and ideal. Landscape in the classic sense.

What changed? This is not the first time I experienced this. Nor will it be the last. I ask myself the same question over and over, hoping I will come up with something profound. I would feel better about not blaming this on my polarizing sunglasses. It makes sense to, though. No glare. Not from the leaves nor from the clouds. Could it be my mind?

Maybe my mind has frozen in time. Or just taken a snapshot of that image, that landscape. Those perfect colours held inside my mind's eye, until... Until I start thinking again. It was just a break from the trivialties of life. Now I'm back at it again. Wishing we can all co-exist in that higher plane of calm.

city air

Why won't they let me breath? I'll force myself outside today. Take in all those pieces and particles in exchange for the opportunity to move. Or maybe I have not moved in long enough that I have caused my own troubles?